McGILL A 57 vs CONCORDIA 10
This is the way a Stinger defends,
Not with a bang but a whimper.
The first McGill – Concordia collision of the year is a highly anticipated affair. Following rumors of Concordia’s recruitment of nationally capped forward Dave Biddle, many predict a close margin. But there is a faint hint of ozone in the air as the satellitic opening drop kick launches from the deft boot of Fullback Alastair Crow. One can sense any remaining flicker of Stinger hope start to fizzle.
A salvo of pummeling penetrations from flanker Cayse Reuter and high-octane loops from winger Kyle Buckley pepper the opening minutes like buckshot. Flyhalf Matthieu Sidoti floats a graceful chip into the corner that is almost swallowed up by Buckley’s hungry, hypertrophic arms. Rookie hooker Keelan Chapman, freshly rescued by from a Beijing opium den, repeatedly Bangarangs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhAI0-CbstI) into scurvied Concordia forwards.
After a rare 1st half penalty by McGill, Concordia gets a look at goal. Their fullback, a mustachioed French import, makes good and gives the Stingers an unlikely 3-0 lead. Alastair Crow goes down with an unfortunate ankle injury during his first flight into the Concordia back line. Centre Sam Skulsky, showing no apparent weakening without his Victoria, BC symbiote Alastair on the field, pinballs through in the centers. His secret? A grotesque turf wound on his Peroneus whose miasmatic stench sends defenders reeling. Call it separation by suppuration. Meanwhile, Mike Davis is starting to find gaps in the Concordia defense. Unfortunately his mind is awash with rugbydump.com highlights and he wastes his breaks with ineffectual centering kicks.
Resistance is futile against the higher lifeforms that form the McGill backline. Flyhalf Matthieu Sidoti threads a penalty kick between the posts. The counterattack grows sharp under the generalship of replacement fullback Evan Strait. Kyle Buckley roars through on a set play to run a sprinting clinic in the Concordia backfield. He jinks the fullback before floating a gift-wrapped pass out to his better half Mike Davis. Try-time corner. Sidoti converts.
Flanker Cayse Reuter gets the glory after a technically flawless forward maul. Despite a great game and a string of highlight reel tackles, he still feels the need to threaten the writing staff with violence to assure publication of his try in the prestigious annals of McGill game write-ups.
The Stingers push deep into the McGill end but their threat to score is stymied by a huge defensive scrum, no doubt inspired by the uncompromising tenacity of Captain James Tiberius Stellick.
The second half starts up with Prop Dave Tontini isolated on a pick and go. He fends off tackle after tackle with the intensity of a cornered mammoth before accelerating into open space with cartoon elegance. There is no better way to describe his run than a 35 yabadabadoo to the try line. It’s an epic front row score. Gideon Balloch converts.
Then comes one of the prettiest McGill tries of the year. Gideon Balloch weaves though the backline wide right. He pops to Evan Strait in support. Lightning quick transfer through the silken Geisha hands of Keelan Chapman switches the point of attack to the far left side. Kyle Buckley makes another impressive finish.
Keelan Chapman earns his first try for McGill after several phases of respectable forward play. Then Concordia drives to the McGill goal line and receives a stale Food Bank handout penalty try from the referee. Cayse Reuter takes it right back at them. He burrows through, carrying five defenders on his back with his Atlas-like shoulders. Good hands from the backs get the ball once again out to Kyle Buckley who surges through the Bounty Soft ™ Concordia defense. Gideon converts.
8-man Anton Nestle and wily scrumhalf Josh Reznick crash blindside like Rocky and Bullwinkle. In one particular break, Anton lays a devastating stiff arm on Canada World Cup player and Concordia ringer Dave Biddle.
Rugby pundit, credit card holder, and seconds fullback Roy Voigt gives the Concordia flyhalf some constructive criticism after a series of poor kicks, “Change out of those silly yellow boots!” Someone on the sideline remarks that they are the same color as his teeth. The Concordia defense continues to implode. Buckley mixes up goose steps with dangerous grubbers through the line. Arachniod second row Roderick McKenzie scores on an 8-man pick that inspires great jealousy in a sidelined Anton Nestle.
Mike Davis snaps up a cheeky intercept and takes off. After forty yards he finds himself face to face with James “the best winger in Quebec” Acker. But just when Davis looks gassed, he manages to somehow choke slam the approaching Acker and then float a long pass over to gentle giant Graeme Kempthorne for a much deserved try between the posts. Unruffleable, Gideon Balloch slots yet another convert.
The game ends with one last break from Kyle Buckley. But his tongue-wagging, epileptic head fakes are not enough to evade the Lilliputian second string Concordia scrumhalf who somehow manages to wrestle Kyle out of bounds.
The post-game imagery is splashy and gay. Dave Tontini devours a well-deserved box of Timbits. Jon Lee celebrates in the stands with the Korean Student Society. And the scoreboard glows with unbiased honesty across the dispersing crowd on Percival’s field: 57-10.
Next game: McGill @ Concordia; Sunday Oct. 18th.
write up by Adrian Thorogood.
